Sunday, 24 March 2013

Sorrow and Joy, And This Business Of Life.

You know those times when your feet don't touch the ground, when Life is too big and too fast for you to even draw breath, and everything whirls past in a flurry until whatever song it is dancing to finally runs out and you slow down to a gentle sway for a while, and so you can begin to absorb all that has just gone by.
We have been busy, with Splendid Adventures (which I will post about here soon), and crazy weather, and only a week left before we get the key to our new house, so Chaos Reigns.
And in the midst of it all, we lost a little friend. Our little furry friend, India, who was born here not even two years ago. 
Little hearts are broken.
We think it was poison, though we cannot be sure, but an awful end it was. One I am glad the children did not witness, but which I will never forget.  



This image at our bedroom window is a familiar one. I'm sure any pet owners among you know that look: 'Hey, can you let me in....so I can go back out?'
His favourite was to stand on his hind legs and pound the window, at four am, while yowling in a voice that can only be described as akin to Marge Simpson. Honestly, I actually kind of miss that!


He was the best cat. Just sweet and cuddly and friendly and chilled out, and so handsome and so fluffy you just couldn't help but love him.
And even though he drove her mad, and she loved when he went off a-wandering and she had us all to herself, his mama, Sparrow, is a little bit lost without him.


So, we are just coming out of the what if's and maybes phase, of wondering would he still be alive if we had done anything differently. But the truth of it is, sadly, I don't think so.

But let me finish this post with the Joy part of this title.

This week, Our Smallest turned six! And although I find myself looking back at pictures like the one below, of my baby, and my heart squeezes painfully with that Loss, I marvel, too, at how this little flower of ours has taken his time to reveal himself to us, and how enthralled I am by it.


For so very long it seemed as though some part of him stayed, or strayed, in some Other World, some dreamy place that he had come from. A Very New Person. A tender, sweet presence, and one we all cannot help but love, and love to be around. One who cries when trees are felled, and who asks why we are here, and the How of things, and wonders about God and volcanos and love, and dreams of dinosaurs and dragons.

And now, as the first of his baby teeth have fallen, and his feet are more on the ground than ever, I am savouring what is left to me of these days. Days of magic and wonder and yes, mischief. Days of small boys and the joy they bring. Days that, as I look at our eldest, now a young man of almost seventeen, seem to have a number, and I want to hold onto with all my heart.


The only things that you should keep in rowsAre your perfect teeth and the rest you knowIts own sweet way will always go

Add your footsteps to the wearFor a tiny dent in every stairWill let them know that you've been there

And I am put in mind of the above song by Vashti Bunyan, called 'Lately', a song about this very thing, and it is a comfort to know that most of you reading this have known, or will know, this exact feeling. 
The comfort is, that this Business Of Life is just that, and we are all in it together. 
The sorrow and the joy. The loving and the letting go. 
We can reach out a hand, and it will, at once, find another that understands.



15 comments:

Hussam Elsherif said...

You rang a bell in my spirit with you r beautifully woven words. Warmest condolences for the very sad loss of your beautiful India, I know so well what this is like..

magnumlady.com said...

I'm very sorry about India, what a beautiful cat.

Kerry O'Gorman said...

Ciara, how strange that just this morning on my dog walk I found someones kitty in the ditch, muddy and forgotten. It broke my heart to see such a lonely end for an animal that someone loved as you did your beautiful India. So sorry for your loss. These are trying times in life but thank goodness for some joy.
The 'small' years seem to fly by in a blink and like I said on my blog "the babies are having babies"! Hold on for as long as you can!

gz said...

sadness and joy indeed, so often they come together.

Stephanie V said...

Your words brought me to share your pain, loss and joy. With tears in my eyes I thank you.

Mimi said...

Ciara, I'm sorry for your loss of India.
and delighted for the joys expressed too, in your new house and your beautiful, wonderful six y/o.
Your words are so beautiful, they summarise life in all its joy and sorrow, beauty and wonder.
enjoy the Easter hols!! spring is the perfect time for a house move, and new beginnings!

Martin said...

The ebb and flow of life, that causes us to shift the weight of our emotions in order to maintain balance. A striking post, Ciara.

Ciara said...

The kindest of words, as always, dear readers, thank you. xxx

Sara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sara said...

Little losses are sometimes the hardest to take. These sweet creatures that become such important parts of our lives. I'm so sorry for your lose.

You have quite the handsome boy there. Those eyes! Sigh... how hard it is sometimes when babies grow up.

O'Daly John said...

Sorry for your cat :( !!

But I hope Billy even had a nice birthday. He's 7... pfff... they grow very fast !!

acornmoon said...

Oh, I am so sad to read about the loss of your dear pet.
I have been reading your blog for many years now, off and on, popping over to peep into your world in a place which I hold dear. It must be some consolation to you that you have savoured each moment of these precious times.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

I especially needed this tonight.
Thank you for sharing your joys and losses with us, your invisible friends.
Much love.
p

Rebecca S. said...

I do know. My eldest boy lives on his own in the city, and my second just got accepted to a university music program and will leave us in the fall. Letting go is natural but hard.
Happy birthday to the boy we 'met' when he was two!

sarah said...

I'm brand new to your weblog but there's such beauty in this post ... and in your photographs throughout ... I wanted to tell you, thank you.