Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Where To Now? The Post I Could Not Post....


Last night I lay awake in the dark as a storm raged outside, shaking the walls of our little house, and as so often the dark, like an insidious creature, creeps in beside you, and it is hard not to imagine great foaming walls of water towering up out of their sea bed, straining at the leash just beyond the railway tracks. And as sleep tussles with the dark, and the contents of my days tumble about my head, half-thoughts, glimpses, resolutions, notions, conversations, something settles in my heart.



In the morning I sit in the cold kitchen, watch the blue night turn into day, and as the room finally begins to warm up, and a rainbow falls out of the gloomy grey onto the shadowy, rain-clad hills, I know in the end I will post this, simply because I am annoyed at myself, (and reading Martin's similar themed post over on Square Sunshine gave me the final prod).



I would like to acknowledge something that has been nagging me for some time: it has been a rather slow decline here, a ponderous denial for many months now. After four years, and many, many readers, more than I could ever have hoped, this Milkmoonish place of mine has been neglected of late, (not just Milkmoon, but A Year At My Back Door too, and Scenes From The Moth House, two projects that are dear to my heart) and I now find myself at the beginning of a new year, and considerably unsure of the path ahead of me.




Do I want to continue? Have I paused and realised I am a bit lost, a bit unfocused, and a lot uninspired?
I have no idea. And surely that in itself is not a good sign? Ever since this tiny seed of uncertainty burrowed into my blithe and untroubled mind, it has grown and taken hold, and I cannot shake it. Yet I am reluctant to stop. So reluctant to close the door on Milkmoon and walk away. I really do not think I can.

And yet.



And yet I find my mind has wandered away, to some other place where images spin by but have no substance, where words flit about somewhere in the ether above me, too diaphanous to grasp, and I do not have the impetus to try. And so I post lazy, lackadaisical posts like the previous one. And I am ashamed of it. I can do better than that! I can. So why am I not?



It is laziness that prevents me from taking proper pictures with a proper camera, which is what I started out doing, which is why I started blogging in the first place. The dratted iPhone just makes it so easy, because it is so clever, and so pretty, but the pictures are, ultimately vastly inferior, as anyone viewing them on anything other than a smartphone can see....sigh.

So, I resolve to limit my iphone shots to this other place here, and to my Flickr, for those who cannot access Instagram, and we will see if I can manage to get back to basics here.



The past year has seen quite a number of changes, and the coming one sees even more to come, and I have no idea what they will bring. All I can say is time will tell.



I feel it could go either way~a quiet slipping away into silence, or something of a shake-up of things. I honestly cannot say right now.

So for today, I will update my blogs as heartily as I can, and then, I will leave the door ajar, and the light on, and hopefully Milkmoon will take matters into it's own hands and find inspiration for me, and time, to separate the magic from the mundane, and continue posting.

I do hope so.


26 comments:

MissKris said...

Having gone thru an amazing year of great change here on the west side of the pond, moving 2400 miles from my home of a lifetime, the Pacific Northwest, to the Detroit, Michigan, area, I have been struggling with my blog as well. So many life changes going on here! It is so hard to keep my mind focused. But, dear Ciara, I keep plodding along. I don't force it...I write when I can...and faithful readers and new ones keep arriving at my page to read what I write. Don't give up. Truly, you'll regret it. Just come when you can and people like me will be here to welcome you when you do. Happy New Year, my friend.

ladybug-zen said...

i wish i could invite you over for a cuppa. i'd love to chat with you face to face. i've been going through the same thing with my blog(s) for such a long time. i don't know why either. well, maybe i do. but let me just say this, i think you are wrong about the photos. they are beautiful, haunting. i love them. it doesn't matter what you took them with, they are yours. so full of you, your brilliant creativity. don't stop, but stop judging yourself so harshly. you spread beauty with your images and words. perhaps you do need to take it all in a different direction. maybe go north instead of south or west or east. or take a break, rethink, regroup...you'll figure it out. but i'm babbling.
blessings to you, Ciara.

Mom said...

I have always loved your blog and it's intriguing pictures. You must do what you need to do, but i do hope you continue to write and share your story with us.
Sue

gz said...

You do not need to post often-look at Rima at The Hermitage...your pictures and writing still give us joy and make us think.
We'll be looking forward to see which direction you follow.
Blessings Be

Mimi said...

Hi Ciara, and Happy 2012 to you and your family. I hope it will be a happy, peaceful, healthy year for you.
I agree with MissKris, post when you can, even once or twice a year, as long as it's not a huge pressure thinking about not posting.
I love ALL of your posts, and would be heartbroken if you gave up. (i hope that's not pressurising you now!)
As someone posted on my blog "the blog has to fit around life, not the other way round".
Definitely life comes first!

Hita Hirons said...

I have found that these times of self-questioning usually lead to something good! We have to change to survive; the rest of the natural world does, after all. I think anyone who can sign their name to a question-mark on their blog, when most people can't handle any crack in the certitude of their public persona, deserves all the blessings of the element of change! I am sure that if your natural creativity wants to continue to express itself with this blog (and I hope it does) then it's innate strength will force you onward with a new inspiration. The roots of your writing (according to an onlooker like me) seem to be your natural sense of self-offering; the most potent and self-renewing power there is in the inner worlds, so no worries there, it will sort itself out : ) As a chaser of ephemeral ideas myself, I know that there is no foolproof formula for catching them. But... I have also found that sometimes when you change medium you can catch them unawares. I caught something with poetry a while ago that I couldn't get with prose, and my 6 month old blog is allowing me a flow that is easier going than my artwork. I think ideas are a bit like aeroplanes, and you have to know which altitude you are working at! Perhaps your ideas are deliberately enticing you into expanding your range with another medium? Only you know...

Martin said...

Quality blogs are a joy, even if the posts come intermittently. Please don't walk away. And for the record, I actually like the iPhone photos. It's what the photographer sees and shares that is important. You do both, so well.

Stephanie V said...

I think that every blogger feels as you do after a time. I know I do. One day's absence easily segues into a week away. Then, like a return to class after a long absence we feel self-conscious and unable to 'do the work'.
Your blog is such a joy to me whenever you post. Your photos may range from superb artistry to homely snapshots but all are evocative. You weave a spell of words and images that takes me to another time and place and such magic takes time to create. So take the time with your family - it will will renew you. If the blog is meant to be it will happen.

Susan said...

Hello Dear Ciara....I sense your unrest. If I may be so bold to make a suggestion, here it is: JUST STAY IN THE MOMENT.

If you feel the inclination to do a post, write it and add your beautiful photographs.

If the time comes that either is an imposition, then that's the signal to move on to something else.

We all go through times of change. Change, though painful, is still good.

Take care and know that the very best wishes are coming to you from Massachusetts, whatever you decide.

Susan

Jayne said...

I do not comment often, as life spins a tangling web around everything I want to do and achieve until it all feels beyond me. But I remember you saying before that you felt quiet with Milkmoon, and I was thinking 'oh no' as your posts always without fail touch a hidden part of me that aspires to dream and dreams to aspire. I too have been quiet on my blog and sometimes it's the pull to create something not on a screen but something tangible. But at the same time I have found so many wonderful people via the blog, and that means there are more wonderful people yet to come, and maybe my silence is just a phase, and it will wane like the moon and then come back full force. So I guess I am saying please don't stop but that I totally understand if you do, and so I'll take the opportunity now to say how wonderfully your posts always touch my heart.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

I would miss you if you go.

Joshua said...

Whatever you decide, it will be the right answer. I don't comment often, but I do enjoy seeing it pop up in my Reader.

Jill from Killeny Glen said...

Such a dilemma. To blog or NOT to blog. One must let yourself off the hook and blog as you are inspired!

Half-heard in the Stillness said...

Whenever I visit and read your writing I am inspired, so my thoughts when I read this post were,"Oh, no". But it's the time element, especially when you have young family. Those of us who have been there recognise that, but rest assured, when you do get a moment to yourself you always.... 'separate the magic from the mundane' for me!

Hugs Jane x

jodi said...

There's no need to decide. Happy New Year!!

Kerry O'Gorman said...

Dear Ciara...I have been going through much of these same feelings. I don't know if it's the dark time of year when things are slow and quiet or if I've lost some of my joy and inspiration. Since my sister died, life is very different and although I know that life goes on, it has taken on different meaning.
I've decided that I should be true to myself and only post when truly inspired. Like you I began my blog as a place to keep my photography and my wanderings alive and to share them with whoever wished to take part.
Don't fret...I love to read what you are up to through your words and pictures even if they are few and far between.
May 2012 inspire us all.

Raggle Taggle Gypsey Girl said...

Really love the photos.....

Louise said...

I'd miss you too. Would it help to write about things other than yourself and your family for a while, to tell stories and weave words which look out at other peoples' lives (lived or imaginary) if you're feeling unsure of what you want. L

Gigi Thibodeau said...

Dearest one, I understand so much of what you're saying. The selfish part of me hopes Milkmoon will continue on, but no matter what happens to this and your other blogs, you will keep making your magic and sending it out into the world. This I know for sure. I have been struggling to discover what I want to do with my own blog in the coming year. For a while I thought of taking a long hiatus, but then it struck me that as much as I have been neglecting the blog of late, I would feel rather lost without it. It has become such an extension of who I am. I wonder if you feel this way, too.

As I write this I think, oh, wouldn't it be good to meet with Ciara and talk face-to-face about all this--our writing, our photography, our shared love of the quirky and fantastical in art and design (I do so love swapping Pinterest loves with you), and then it hits me that this is part of what sometimes makes blogging not enough; it has this fantastic capacity to link us with like-minded souls all over the world, but then the fact that we are just that--like-minded souls all over the world--means that our friendships and connections have a limitation. They cannot grow and flourish in quite the same way as face-to-face friendships. In some ways these connections can feel deeper than those face-to-face ones, but in some ways they are always limited by distance.

This is not my only dissatisfaction with blogging lately, but it's a significant one. I just wanted to tell you that you always inspire me, and I hope we stay connected, no matter what happens to the Milkmoon and the Magpie.

Love,
Gigi

Ciara said...

Dear All,
Thank you for all your sweet and supportive words. I too would feel a bit lost without my blog, and perhaps just waiting and letting things be for a while will allow something new to emerge.
It's good to focus though. I think part of the problem has been a lack of attention, and hopefully with renewed effort on my part, things will pick up.
It's good advice to not force it!
Again, thank you dear friends.
C xxx

NellieVaughn said...

Hauntingly beautiful pictures.

Rebecca S. said...

Please don't continue on if your reasoning is that you 'should'. Shouldering the eternal 'should' is very draining to an artist such as yourself, and robs the energy needed for other projects you'd rather be doing.
We all go through these times of uncertainty and change and upheaval in our creative selves. Perhaps it is a sort of metamorphosis...uncomfortable and sticky, but if allowed to progress naturally, beautiful. xo

Sara Dahlman said...

Whatever your decision, it will be the right one. Take a deep breath and just let whatever be be.

I love your iPhone photos. I like how easy they are to take and to show what you are seeing and experiencing that moment.

I feel a bit torn about my Mama Craft blog too. Sometimes the words do not come to me anymore. I don' know how many posts I have written and deleted because I didn't feel them to be real. It's hard.

Love to you!

Karen said...

I always feel there is sometimes too much to look at online, so many ideas, images and constant chatter everywhere! As much as I love this I also find that sometimes it's very easy to feel swept away and lose our own path. Wander, take time out, re read writings that you have done and look over your work, it might help find your sense of direction once again. Whatever you choose I hope 2012 is magical and special for you and your family. x

SWEDISH HOUSE said...

Hello Ciara!

I haven't been here for awhile...but glad you left the door ajar. I hope that the new year thus so far has been kind. I LOVE the glimpse into your life, your photo's and your writing. Don't beat yourself up...life takes over and i think it's great that you have a blog and that you choose to share...i feel that it is perfectly ok to dip in and out of it... inspired, uninspired, you do what you want when you want. I LOVE your blog because it's saw real.
Have a wonderful weekend my friend
LOVE PEACE enJOY every moment
Kram
Julie
x

Linda O. said...

You've already shared so much magic and beauty. Whatever you decide,thank you. Your work will never be gone. The beauty of your art and the creative energy of words past remains eternal, an imprint that can't be deleted.