Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Moth Season.

There is a small window in my kitchen that stays open all summer long, unless the wind is chilly and from the wrong direction. It opens, just where I stand to make my morning tea, onto a wild and barely contained rugosa rose bush, that conceals all of the garden view, except a patch of sky. On rainy days the dripping green outside this window is like a doorway to an emerald kingdom where tiny creatures scurry and creep and scuttle. The scent of roses is subtle, but so intoxicating it transports me without effort, holds me in a green dream, even fleetingly, as I make tea, or prepare meals, like a small anchor in this sea of moments.



This morning is the first morning in a while that I am up significantly early to noticed the touch of autumn in the air that drifts in as the sun rises, and I am reminded of the swift approach of the end of the holidays, of school, ahead. Once again, each morning the walls of the house are lined with dustly moths, and in the evenings, the spiders line up along the windows like sentries. We are entering the cooling season, my favourite time of year, and the reeds in the marsh are almost at their fullest, the sound of now a late summer hush, as opposed to their winter rattle.



We have had a particularly wonderful summer. There has been lots of camping, lots of gatherings of friends, where we cram as many of us as possible into houses and tents, around kitchen tables, under gazebos, and make it last as long as we can, squeezing as much fun and games and food and laughter into our time together as we can. There has been a lot of rain, but lots of sunny days too, and we are excellent at seizing those and running out the door, so there have been lots of impromptu beach days too, the kind where we go up a hill and end up down on a beach, and then we cannot leave. The beach bag has a permanent spot in my car, just in case. And we are not done yet.
The result is a dusty house with the words Bare Minimum stamped in all the corners, on every pile of laundry and papers, a neglected blog, a car full of sand, but sun kissed, happy faces round the dinner table in the evenings.



We have also had a family wedding. A heartwarming, momentous wedding that was most definitely the highlight for us all.

So now we face The Winding Down, and I am eyeing those other to-do lists that involve the word 'school' in them, knowing I have put everything off until the last minute, knowing that this autumn brings significant changes to our little household, for me in particular, for, among other things, I must get a job. A proper, paid job. Something which every mother who stays home with her babies must do when the day comes, something which I have put off for a year and cannot justify any longer, and the artist in me balks at as I dream about the Making/Writing Hours to myself that I am giving up. But it is also something which I am excited about, albeit completely bemused by.
We shall see how that goes.



I am working on some other significant changes here at Milkmoon, too. Something which just seems like the right thing to do. I have come to realise that my dwindling commitment to this blog is nothing more than the fact that it hasn't evolved to reflect how things are changing for me personally, that I became little stuck, in terms of what I blog.
It's all good, and I do hope you think so too! It's something I am very excited about and look forward to  launching the all-new-and-improved Milkmoon in the next month.



Well, it's turning into a blustery day, but the sun is out, and so we are taking ourselves off out again.
That to-do list, and that pile of laundry, (okay, mountain of laundry), and all those dust bunnies, they'll have to wait another day.



15 comments:

elizabeth said...

Mother, Artist, Blogger, Nurturer, Creativity flows right out from this here blog, I cant wait to see what else can come. I wish you every luck with finding a job that supports the wonder of your creative self and your motherhood, for you do both beautifully. I am so glad to be a little witness through this window of that.

x E

Mimi said...

I'm so glad I stopped by...well, I always am!
But today, I've spent most of the day trying to come to terms with my mountains of laundry, dust, stuff that needs to be cleared.
Now, thanks to your insight, I'm going to make a cuppa and enjoy the sun! the rest can wait!
Best of luck with the job-hunt and the changes to your blog: Ciara, whatever you do, I know it will be wonderful!

Hoola Tallulah said...

I can relate to so much of what you wrote in this post, that it feels like you took the words right out of my mouth, especially the dirty laundry bit, and the last minute bit, and the standing at the window getting drunk on the scent of flowers and eyeing up moths. Looking forward to seeing the new milkmoon x

Ciara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ciara said...

Elizabeth, thank you for your sweet words! You're very kind. :-)

Mimi, and Hoola Tallulah, yes, it's very reassuring to know we are all in the same state of untidiness, isn't it?! I had an epiphany the day a dear friend, and fellow mother-of-four, told me that she just gives up housework for the summer, she couldn't take the stress. Bear minimum. Bear. Minimum. Best advice ever!


Ellen said...

Ciara....I too was feeling like my blog was going somewhere I didn't want it to go. I paused and took time off, and now feel I can come back with a fresh perspective.

With an ill parent it can be hard to be positive but I am trying to realize that I cannot control her outcome but I can live my life without burden. She is cared for, safe and no she will never get better.

Even changing the layout of the blog uplifted my mind and heart. Having had a good summer did it too!

Treasure your last days before Autumn and I hope that your new job will allow you to still enjoy blogging.

I love and adore your photos of family....beautiful.

Ellen said...

Ciara....I too was feeling like my blog was going somewhere I didn't want it to go. I paused and took time off, and now feel I can come back with a fresh perspective.

With an ill parent it can be hard to be positive but I am trying to realize that I cannot control her outcome but I can live my life without burden. She is cared for, safe and no she will never get better.

Even changing the layout of the blog uplifted my mind and heart. Having had a good summer did it too!

Treasure your last days before Autumn and I hope that your new job will allow you to still enjoy blogging.

I love and adore your photos of family....beautiful.

Kerry O'Gorman said...

I think of you often on your emerald isle, especially now while the moths flutter under my lamplight in the evening.
We too have been siezing the summer sun but like you I look forward to inward time and days in the studio with the fire and the wool.
It was difficult for me to have to look for a job but as luck would have it, it came looking for me. Two days a week in the flower shop and one evening a week in the yoga studio is pretty much idealic if you do 'have' to work...good luck to you in your search and I'll look forward to the next phases of the 'Moon'.
I adore the photo of the lads at the edge of the estuary!

Martin said...

Whatever changes you make to Milkmoon, we can be guaranteed 'quality' posts by someone who lives life, and shares the journey.

Ciara said...

Ellen, I cannot imagine. Hugs to you. xxx

Kerry, I think of you often too! That sounds wonderful! Thank you, yes, I do believe it will come looking for me too!
I think that photo may be one of my personal favourites I've ever taken, thank you!

Martin, kind and generous words, as ever, thank you!

Gigi Thibodeau said...

There's so much I love about this post, especially as it reflects the many, many changes in your life right now. I love hearing you talk about this, and about your realizations regarding the blog. I have been so distant from my own blog as we prepare to move and finally set roots here (we sign the papers today and will be in the house tonight!). I feel a shift within, and I have a feeling that my blog needs to shift, too, or to catch up . . . or grow up! :)

I'm so looking forward to fall, and to seeing the changes it brings for you, my wonderful friend. Sending a warm hug. x Gigi

gz said...

The Hawk Moths are spectacular- I've seen a Hummingbird Hawkmoth a couple of times in really hot dry summers. You seem to have had a better summer than us-fruit are ripening late and now it is getting chilly for Autumn already!!

Best of luck with the job hunting..or job creating.

Kato Kaka said...

Your blog is always like a warm hug.

Limner said...

I was transported while I read. It ended too soon. I escaped these four walls for a while. Thank you.

What I wouldn't give to be there, in that last photo, with my Therd Eye in hand. If I close my eyes and inhale, I can pretend I am there again. Thank you.

I felt the air. I smelled the . . . Thank you.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

I cannot wait to see what you have planned for us all! I know it will be wonderful. Wishing you beautiful, beautiful days in these last weeks of summer. Autumn is coming.... my favourite time, too.
xo,
p