Monday, 7 May 2012

Where I Think You Are When You Are Not Here.

This last week, I spent mostly in my car, zooming around the greening land, like a busy spider weaving a web in haste and without time.
Jay has flown again, to the Land of the Rising Sun, and as I have never been there, I cannot image him anywhere solid, but instead he floats, Somewhere Out There, like a sleeping balloon man whose ribbon I hold in my hand without thinking. You know when you are holding something you never want to put down, but you carry on with your day, and forget it is there, except for a vague awareness of how hot and clammy your hand has become, or how awkward or difficult things are with only one hand.
And so above me he follows me, floats, sleeping, throughout my day, and Up There, where I cannot see, he drifts through beautiful moss gardens that drip with water, where the breeze rustles the leaves over his head, tickles his sleeping beard, and stirs the bamboo, making them clack together, through bright lights of city nights, between gleaming glass towers that shower him in little bokeh balls of sunlight.


Though I know in reality he is not at all sleeping and dreaming, that in fact he is actually more likely running, just running, flat out through the night, leaping over obstacles, throwing aside impediments, barely pausing to rest, running to get home to us. And I like to think he too holds my ribbon, and somewhere above him, I am streaming out behind him, floating in a sunlit garden where children play and laugh, and we bake cakes and read to one another, pausing to tickle the cats, lie in the grass and watch the clouds roll around the sky, and thinking about what to make for dinner.

19 comments:

Jo said...

Ach, that's lovely. He'll be home soon.

Aden Meyler said...

Ciara, you leave me in tatters. Yes, I was already falling apart.

And yet my man is here. And as I drive around in my own fog--what to make for dinner/how will we pay for that/will that dress I'm sewing even suit me/will Eoin pass his leaving cert--I must remember to stop my mouth. I am not alone. We are always together.

I'd be lost without him.

Stephanie V said...

My man spent many months out of the year in travel...sometimes to Japan. My heart was aching with the images that you brought back to me. So beautiful. So tender. And so true.

Kelly Sheehy said...

Beautiful poetry, and gorgeous drawing. I hope he is home again soon.

Pamela Terry and Edward said...

You describe precisely and beautifully how I feel whenever The Songwriter is out of town. Like today.

Kerry O'Gorman said...

As I am temporary 'mom' for a week I can SO relate to your little drawing!This morning I felt that 'running' sensation getting ready for school. Hope he's home safe and sound soon.

Mise said...

Well-tethered poetry, Ciara. Your best post ever.

Gray said...

Wonderful. Ever think about book publishing? I would read it again and again!

Martin said...

With these thoughts to fill your mind, the distance shrinks to within a touch. Lovely words, and drawing.

Mimi said...

Beautifully written, Ciara.
I love ribbons, love them. And your idea of a ribbon in your hand (and Jay's), holding you together though so far apart, is just lovely.
So now I love ribbons even more than before.

gz said...

Your minds are together even when you are parted.
Have a good homecoming

ramona said...

Absolutely delightful drawing!! Holding your loved ones dear is the most selfless thing we can do. Love your words. ..
You make me happy.

Ciara said...

xxxx

Ciara said...

Gray, in a word, yes. Now that my Smallest is in school I find Something Is Being Done. Now to finish it! Thank you, dear one. :)

Ciara said...

Dear friends, thank you all for your sweet words. I sat down to write a completely different post, with completely different photos, and this is what appeared. And then I drew it. There and then. And the joy of drawing again is something I think I may just want to repeat again very, very soon. :)
C xx

Hita Hirons said...

Loved your balloon man floating above you! Great idea! And beautifully imagined, too.

Rebecca S. said...

You and your gifted imagination put into words and images - such a treat for the rest of us :)
May Jay fly home soon, so you can tie your ribbons in a bow...until next time.

Luna said...

It's a beautiful thought. Perhaps both balloons strings are entwined in way that you both can only feel.

SWEDISH HOUSE said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful drawing...
The ribbon...tying you and your thoughts of one another together...wonderful!
LOVE PEACE enJOY!
Julie
x